Drafting an email

Loving you hurts sometimes. It feels like the my chest someone reached into my chest and grabbed my sternum and pulled ever so slightly. And all I can do is try and get a little more of you back into my life. To be honest, I cant function without you. You fill part of me that I didn’t even know I was missing. But I can’t function without you and you cant function with me. I’m not an integrated part of your life. Im an addition. A welcome addition Im confident. I know you love me. But I exist as a special surprise. A nice add on. And I struggle with that because I don’t want to be that for you. I want to someone you need to talk to. Someone you share your worries and your secrets. The constant you turn to for advice. Te first one you call when something happens. I want to be your best friend.

You do this thing when your under pressure. You develop tunnel vision and shut everything else down. You shut me out. And those are the times I feel like something has been cut out of me.

What I Need: Some connection every 12 hours, cuddle time once every two week, for you to tell me when your injured, overwhelmed, or exceedingly happy
What I want: for you to see me and feel safe, and excited and happy, you to show that you care when I lose my shit. For me to be a priority in your life, satisfying you sexually

What I dream: marrying you, raising a child with you.

I fucking love you. And it kills me that our time is running out. And that I havent figured out hwo to love you that satisfies me yet.

Im just so tired.


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