The Night of Jekyll and Hyde

On the night of my 21st birthday, I got so drunk that I actually can’t remember much of it at all.

I remember
Max
Flirting with Steph
Kissing Steph
Drinking the Andre
Committing in the tub
Taking a shower
Groping molly and attempting to finger her while we snuggled.
Trying to get Molly into a threesome with me and Steph

And that’s it.

I don’t like to think that the person who did those things was me, what it was I can’t say for sure. A dark persona. Hidden motives laid bare. I want to drink again. This time alone in the house with a paper, pen and tub of water. Am I an alcoholic. Lord, please don’t let that be my fate. Is this the balance of my gifts? A dark shadow, a murky reflection?

No. Just a lot of traits expanded by a lack of control and fearlessness.

I’m always horny. I’m always attention grabbing. I’m always flirting. I’m always planning suicide.

But I hold down those things back because they make my life worse. Make me less safe. Make me less of the man I want to be.

Things I want to address
The man I want to be
The woman I want to love
The adventures I want to have
The risks I can take
The dangers I must avoid

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