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my eyes feel heavily and my back aches

i grip my fingers tight, but life just slips from me

i am strong I am good I am smart

I am a failure

please don’t rat me out, don’t ferret out, dig fox holes in, mouseholes, cheese grater, mousetrap

please dont pity or be pretty for me

be ugly, be stolen, be illicit, be whatever the fuck you like

just leave the rhino buried deep, trust the rhino

to leave the way her got in

through the front door or the back or the side or from just waiting for the ground

to pass away

like blades of grass or shards or glass 

like grass blades and glass shards

like the ploughshares made to war tool

like grains of sand made next to water cool

like grains of sand in an hourglass

like the darkcloud of the powerless

 

i close my eyes and relax my shoulders and question the reason why it feels like I’ve sprouted steel on the sides of my heart.

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

I’m just so fucking tired. so fucking tired. 

please don’t kiss my cheek and take your 30 silver

don’t salute me general Arnold

If you love me, don’t make a fuss, don’t cry out loud, don’t call the cops or pull out all the stops

send me an email if you must

but don’t worry, worry, worry

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