Has it really been a year? Has it been that long? Where did that man go? The one who was me. I look at the decisions I make today and see their rough etchings in the scars of the past. I want to print these out and lay them around. Fill a book with the words and feelings and pass it out and never have to worry about what was known or unknown because it was simply out there. I was there. I left there.
I think about how I can help other people on their struggles and I worry because I have been so privilleged. How can I dare disrupt the universe? Who am I to think I can change the world. I told Kaitlyn that I just wanted to make everyone happy. The truth is that I want everyone to like me. And that gets me in trouble. Throws me in hot water. Boils my resolution away and my strengths and leaves me barren and hollow.
I need to make myself happy. I need to discover what that is for me. Is it possible? Is it right? Is it selfish? I don’t know. I want to talk about it but with whom?