This Morning I find myself

This morning I find myself buzzing with anxious energy, like I have this alka-seltzer of pain and anxiety roiling away at my insides. What do I have to do? What can I do? What can I do now? What do I want to do? What do I want to be? How do I get from where I am to where I want to be?

Answer to Questions
What do I have to do?
I have to be about myself. I have to register for classes. I have to take my medications. I have to practice my three scenes for Acting Class. I have to do my reading for Japanese Class.I have to do my reading and my quizzes for my Linguistics Class. I have to do many things for reenactment. Continue to do the readings. Do the writing assignments. Read my outside sources. Get my interview. Ready my performance. Perform it. I have to finish my renderings for Costume Design. I think that’s all I have to do for classes. But I also have to figure out how and what Bea and I are going to do together next quarter, how often and for how long. And I have to convince Kaitlyn to not drop AntiPlay, but instead invite me to be the co-director so that I can make the Deadly Experiments a reality. I want this to happen with all of my guts and marrow and skin.

What Can I Do Right Now?
Really, all I can do right now is put together a to-do list. Know what I have to do later. I can register for classes in half an hour. I can run my lines for my modern scenes and mentally run my lines for my other two scenes. I can offer a prayer for Kaitlyn. I can do nothing for Bea.

What do I Want to do?
I want to do the things that I can do. I want to let go of the things I can’t. I want to engage fully in the first and disengage fully from the second. I want to… I want to…

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