2014 is gone and it has been a year. A exciting year. A hard year. A year that has taken me through a lot of highs and lows and to exciting places. And there will be a time to reflect on them, but that time is not now.
New Year. 2015. That is what interests me. This is a new year. A year not yet formed. A chance and an opportunity and a challenge. What do I want out of this year? I’m unsure, but I’m damn sure I want something. A lot of people do New Year’s Resolutions. They declare that they are resolved to reach a resolution. I’m not sure I feel that same way. But I do have goals. I do have things that I want to keep in mind as the new year opens.
I would like to lose weight. I want to feel attractive in my own body. I want to feel like I live a healthy and sustainable lifestyle.
I want to taken EID and Anti-Play to the farthest reach of my powers as an artist. I want to feel satisfied with my work and their outcome
I want to feel that I’ve done everything I can for my classes and haven’t cheated myself out of part of my education.
I want to set myself up for 2016, so that my final year of college can be as satisfying as it can be.
I want to set up my adaptation process for Dangerous Laughter.
I want to write more frequently in my journal.
I want to return to my identity as a potter.
I want to feel proud of myself and that my parents, friends, and colleagues are proud of me.
I want to act again and feel like I’ve gotten myself back into part of my identity that I’ve tried to squash for years.
I want to be better friends with those that I have. And be more receptive for friendships with those that aren’t formed yet.
I know I shouldn’t start the new year with cynicism, but what can I do. Having just watched Into the Woods I’m struck by the danger of wishes. Wishes are stories. Wishes are magic. Wishes are children. Well, I’ll leave the magic in the hands of my sister, but stories and children are both loves near and dear to my heart. With both, you need to have responsibility. They are living, breathing things in your hands that cry and laugh and make a mess and generally require more from you than you think could ever be possible for something so small. But could there be anything more rewarding than watching something grow? Whether it be a story, or a child, or a wish? I dedicate myself this night to go after my wishes with a strong constitution and a humble heart. I’m going to go for it, with my feet on the brakes. Does this sound like a contradiction? Yes it is. But isn’t that something that I’ve learned this year. That we’re all living on lines of contradiction? Doesn’t that make us stronger? I think it does.
Something else that makes us stronger is simply allowing ourselves to live. I want to live out the promise of my tattoo, with one foot planted firmly in front of the other, simply walking where my path takes me. Live simply. Live fully. Live with joy as my sister would tell me. I think I can do that. I’m certainly going to try.
Much love and all the best 2014
Bring it on 2015