And the Award for most Cliche goes to…

A letter I’m not sending you,

I can’t find it, but there is a really funny break up comic that compares how women deal with break ups compared to men. You should go track it down. I miss you.

What makes it and me and this whole fucking world funny is that it’s just so cliche. I miss you.

I miss you. I miss you like I’m missing a part of myself. And the longer it has been, the more I miss you. I wanted so badly to send you the following message:

I miss you and I think I love you and isn’t that stupid that I said that we should break up. I keep hoping that the right set of events will occur and we’ll come back together. I’ve already decided that I would be better this time. I’ve decided that I wouldn’t fuck things up again. I’ve decided, I’ve decided, I’ve decided, but that’s just not going to happen. You’re starting to date again and I’ve started to date again and I guess that means we’ve both moved on. But I haven’t. I miss you.

But let’s turn that big brain of mine into a self reflexive mode. Do I miss you or do I miss being loved? What if I’m just feeling like this and feel all of this regret because I couldn’t find anyone who could fit into the hole that you left in my life? Is that the same as missing you? Ugh, I don’t know. I miss you.

But you’re moving on. Good for you. I support this. I support your moving on and finding someone else. But I’m still going to hate whoever you find because they have the pleasure of your company. I’m going to rationalize it as something else, but I’m still going to want to roast his/her guts, because I know how high you made me. I miss you.

No. I’m not going down that route. I miss you.

I miss you. I miss the feel of your back. I miss waking up next to you. I miss the softness of your skin. I miss kissing you. I miss knowing that you loved me. I miss you.

Are you going to use my condoms to have sex with them? Did you throw them out? Which is worse? I miss you.

GAH, I love you. Honestly, I’ve day dreamed about marrying you. Is that not the most pathetic thing. Why can’t I just turn off that part of my brain? I don’t want to miss you. I don’t want to love you. I want to see you as a friend. I don’t want to have sex with you. I don’t want to have to sit in this feeling of being part of what I was. I miss you.

ANGST

But no, this is a good thing. Break ups are part of life. I should be better at this. What’s the worst thing is that everyone goes through the same goddamn thing. And I just want to think that this is a new or a unique problem. One that I can get over. But nope, this is what happens to everyone every time. And that sucks a lot. Because it means that even when I get over you, it can still happen again. And it doesn’t get better and it doesn’t get easier and it doesn’t suck any less. I’m not unique, nor are my experiences unique. I miss you

Ok, no, this will be fine. I don’t miss you. I don’t miss you at all. It’s going to be fine. We’re both going to move on and crush on other people and live life and fuck up a lot more and we’re going to stay friends because there isn’t a chance in fucking hell that I’m willing to give you up completely forever. I don’t have enough friends to give them up just because I was stupid. I don’t miss you. I will not miss you. I will move on. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. I miss you

ENOUGH

ok, I’m done.

Andrew out

P.S. Dear Future Andrew, You can go fuck yourself.

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