Cock or First Kiss

My roommate was gently snoring when I gave my first blowjob. To this day I’ve never told him about that night. I suspect that he would judge me.  I know I certainly do.

The taxi cab trembled under me when he kissed me. I can’t remember the details exactly because of the fever I was running that night, but I will always remember the moment his lips touched mine.

It was late and we’d been flirting on the couch. The taste of beer was on both of our tongues. But I did not kiss him. I leaned against him and he moved my hand to his jeans. I felt him getting hard. But I did not kiss him

That night he had dragged me along with his boyfriend to a burlesque show. It was my first burlesque, but he had already taught me how they moved, how they teased, how they shook. It was my first burlesque and their confidence reached out and grabbed me.

I told him I wanted to go to bed. He asked if he could join. I’m not sure what I said. But he came with me into my bed. He took of my shirt. He bit my neck. I tried to enjoy it. I tried to get hard. I tried. But he got longer harder faster. And he pushed my head down.

When the show was done, we stood arm in arm in arm. The couple and me. We waited for my cab. We tried to stand straight. But I was fading fast. I’m not sure what happened. But they held me up. They whispered in my ear that it would be alright. I’m not sure what I said. And my head fell down.

Cock.

….

Vomit.

Choking

Darkness

He held my head down as he thrust down my throat. I tried to be sexy. He might have whispered I was beautiful. I did not say a word. My roommate gently snored.

I remember lying in the cab. I remember being clean. They must have got me into the cab. He must have cleaned my face. I remember looking up into his face. I remember him smiling down at me. He might have whispered I was beautiful. I didn’t say a word.

He came in my mouth. I gagged. He looked at me. I spat out. He reached for me.

It was gentle. Lovely. Crystalline. One set of lips meet another and something passes through them.

I slept as far from him as possible in my own bed.

….

He paid my cab fare and wished me a good night.

I cannot stand the taste of cock.

There are few things as sweet as those lips.

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